Artifact

http://www.uscga.edu/

Reflection

How long have I been in the Coast Guard? All me bloomin' life, Sir/Ma'am. Me father was King Neptune, me mother was a mermaid. I was born on the crest of a wave, and rocked in the cradle of the deep. Me eyes is stars, me teeth is spars, me hair is hemp and seaweed. And when I spits - I spits tar. I's tough, I is, I am, I are.

How's the cow? She walks, she talks, she's full of chalk. The lacteal fluid extracted from the female of the bovine species is highly prolific to the nth degree, Sir/Ma'am.

Why don't you understand ? Sir/Ma'am, my cranium consisting of Vermont marble, volcanic lava, and African ivory, covered with a thick layer of case hardened steel, forms an impenetrable barrier to all that seek to impress itself upon the ashen tissues of my brain. Hence the effulgent and ostentaciously effervescent phrases just directed and reiterated for my comprehension have failed to penetrate and permeate the soniferous forces of my atrocious intelligence.